The Wake up

I woke up in a sweat, it was a dream. I spent the day reliving the dream over and over; this is perhaps the clearest I have ever remembered a dream and I almost wish I didn't. You see, my subconscious is plotting against me. It is plotting the downfall of my conscious mind.

With that dream, this morning is askew. Nevertheless, I didnt stop my usual almost tedious routine and was even more meticulous, each action with deep thought and consideration. I brushed my hair ever so gently and each stroke of my make-up brush appeared to be calculated and mechanical. I smiled within myself at the quirky yet amusing manner I carried out each task.

Finally, I was done, hair carefully coiffed, powder press smoothed, lips glowing, perfect! My significant other woke up and appeared stunned at the sight of me. "You look beautiful" he said and without thought I replied "but I don't feel pretty" sighed and left the room. Drove to work humming show tunes. I thought I might be headed for a mental breakdown. Only, it was an uneventful day.

"I own you! I define you, you have nowhere else but here. Here is where you belong and you know it!" I hear the thundering of his voice as I move from room to room searching for the keys and well, protection. I thought to myself that rotten baseball bat couldn't be far. It was too late as he charged into the room; all I saw was red. I had threatened to leave again and like the other times all it did was more violence and once again I had drawn no blood of mine.The butterflies had died and once again the garden had withered, highs and lows that neither he nor I can explain, only I can tell the story with my battle scars.

All I could brandish was the weapon of my love and how it riles him.  I have sat and waited, I have fought with thoughts that transcend the outward façade I put on for my mother, for my daughter. She chose you for me, I chose you for her. Over and over, my mother spoke her subtle words to me; how she can never hurt me, never lead me astray and I knew that, so I listened. Then there was Ify, my dearest, helpless but fearless.

I left, fearing for those who are lured into you snare, not knowing that sadness and hate can never be synonymous to joy and that love lies only in your crafty words and swift ways.  I knew all along but only just realised. 

The Future

The problems of a nation are not for the shoulders of one individual and often because of our deep patriotism, anger, frustrations and other emotions that ring true in relation to poverty and injustice we can feel like we can take on the wrongs of the said nation. However,  before you know it, some mind boggling shit-storm brings you right back to reality. Just when I was feeling insignificant and inconsequential about the state of my dear motherland, I was given another jolt of faith. 

"I had committed to writing a jubilee song for Nigeria. I was moved to hone in on my message on December 31, 2010 when we were shocked by the Abuja bombings. In my view, the bombings are a metaphor of the hopelessness and impending tragedy that may lie ahead if we do not become more engaged in building the country we desire. I realize that the crisis in the nation is beyond the political. We each need to personalize Project Nigeria and take a stand for Nigeria NOW. And so, the first lines of the song are about just how important we are as a generation at this time in our history.

My hope is that as you listen to this song, you are stirred and realize that the future that we dream of is not way ahead of us. By looking within NOW, we draw in that future. One action. One person at a time. We must embrace the moment. I leave you with the words of my friend, Fela Durotoye: “Deliver the future: We can. We must. We will.” "

-Ty Bello

Watch the video to TY Bello's The Future. Couple of months old but I just discovered it. 

How I Met your Mother

I first heard of the awesomeness of this show on this blog. I started stalking this dude ( I mean actually stalking, added him on facebook and everything ..... it's not stalking anymore now if am publicly declaring my love for his brain .... oops) after I watched Letters to a Stranger, if you haven't seen it yet find it, buy it, watch it. I suspect I love the movie because of the Stephen King references. The blog hasn't been updated in a long while and that makes me sad :(

Anyway, to the purpose of today's rant. I have almost religiously watched How I met your mother since 08 and haven't looked back. The dialogue is beyond and after watching another magnificent episode last night ( can't remember which now) I decided I ought to share with the world.

Click here for the blog post on how I met you mother. It, like the rest of the posts on the above blog makes an interesting read.

For You

In the midst of many, yet alone.

I walked this path once and

Often, this sole path I tread endlessly.

Smiles send messages of

Peace and serenity.

No one knows

I walked this path once

taking beautiful strides

in this garden of solitude

The voices

I hear are far and detached

I long to be reached and

Yearn to reach out

They are dancing

They are happy

I plie and balance

I breathe shoulders high

I have walked this path once

Over and over again I walked.

My Voice

Vivid and thrilling

I will be heard

I will walk this path no longer

I will tread a different path

"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for."

"Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone"

Taking Responsibility

I haven't made a blog post in a while and it not that theres nothing to write or talk about contrary to that there has been a mountain load of thoughts and an even bigger mountain load of draft post, they all just seem inadequate to publish or something or other. Anyway something important i have learnt in the last couple of months begs sharing.

Taking responsibility is something everyone wants to avoid at least I have always tried to avoid it, exuding this confident and accountable character whereas deep down I'd rather just blame other people for different mishaps whether they are trivial or exceptionally life changing.

Its easy to put our shortcoming on others, an absent father, an unsupportive mother, an abusive spouse, a backstabbing friend [insert as appropriate] as the list is endless. However, I do not intend to imply that such unfavorable circumstances are insufficient to debilitate the success of an individual.

I have been taking a particular bus 7am every morning for at least the last two years apart from days am not working of course but I only recently spotted a particular girl ( I began to see her everyday for the next two months). So one day, we finally spoke to each other, often when you see someone everyday waiting about 5 to 10 mins for the bus you tend to fill the awkward silence with mindless chat about the weather. Only somehow, our chats were more than skin deep and talked about the important going ons of our life.

She is 16 and just about to finish high school, an absent father, an alcoholic mother and a sister who is resolved to having children as a means of livelihood. For a 16 year old she was outrightly forward thinking and she shocked me with her words. Her dreams are magnificent and her drive is beyond something I could describe. She wasn't prepared to let what life had dished her as mitigating be the mould for her life.

For the next few days on the bus, all I could think of were my dreams and passion and how a few setbacks were beginning to make me weary but I am grateful for the conversations I had with her. With her was an encounter to cherish.