As a woman, many find it odd that I am who I am, but I am not shy to say I love conflict and even more than conflict I crave male company; the attention, flirting, teasing, the whole mating dance charade is like a well perfected hobby for me but even as much as I love all this, the best yet is turning people down. The thrill in the power of my sexuality controls my gait and mannerism even I know that walking anywhere I can stand tall.
Now who would have thought that at 27, the conflict I crave would have eluded me so much so that I have never ever had an open confrontation with anyone before. I just always have this weird imagination of somebody vexing me and me loosing it and shouting;
YOU DEY MAD??
DEM SWEAR FOR YOU??
ABI YOU WAN MAKE YOUR HEAD BREAK TODAY??
But never in all this years has this happened to me and the male company I so covet has afforded me the best friends I know. I have no female best friends or even friends at that and hence I have never had the pleasure of the so talked about girls night in or night out and I do not feel as though I am missing too much.
Having said that, the question I ponder on often is the strange fact that the women in the lives of my friends have never seemed to want me out. I would have thought this was going to be my very own conflict niche. It is all too possible that what it takes is an insecure woman and an uncertain man. I say insecure woman because she will jitter about with the very idea of me wanting to 'snatch' the uncertain man who cannot convince himself that he wants no other woman except her. Its either I know the most confident men on earth or they have managed to always find themselves the strongest women alive.
However, earlier this year I was to find myself feeling a bit like Jolene been told by Dolly Parton to leave her man alone! As you have expected I felt a slight sense of achievement and then slowly settled into a feeling of regret and a one time upbeat personality slowly died out and remained dim for about a month. I was struggling with certain feelings at this crucial time of my life. The most important one being that I was to turn 28, never had a single relationship of my own and I was being painted as the Scarlet woman.
Alas, the most desired all time altercation became my wake up call and jot to reality. I could no longer rely on my friends to be my sole companions nor could I expect that simply loving what I do as a profession is sufficient to keep me fulfilled.
Now who would have thought that at 27, the conflict I crave would have eluded me so much so that I have never ever had an open confrontation with anyone before. I just always have this weird imagination of somebody vexing me and me loosing it and shouting;
YOU DEY MAD??
DEM SWEAR FOR YOU??
ABI YOU WAN MAKE YOUR HEAD BREAK TODAY??
But never in all this years has this happened to me and the male company I so covet has afforded me the best friends I know. I have no female best friends or even friends at that and hence I have never had the pleasure of the so talked about girls night in or night out and I do not feel as though I am missing too much.
Having said that, the question I ponder on often is the strange fact that the women in the lives of my friends have never seemed to want me out. I would have thought this was going to be my very own conflict niche. It is all too possible that what it takes is an insecure woman and an uncertain man. I say insecure woman because she will jitter about with the very idea of me wanting to 'snatch' the uncertain man who cannot convince himself that he wants no other woman except her. Its either I know the most confident men on earth or they have managed to always find themselves the strongest women alive.
However, earlier this year I was to find myself feeling a bit like Jolene been told by Dolly Parton to leave her man alone! As you have expected I felt a slight sense of achievement and then slowly settled into a feeling of regret and a one time upbeat personality slowly died out and remained dim for about a month. I was struggling with certain feelings at this crucial time of my life. The most important one being that I was to turn 28, never had a single relationship of my own and I was being painted as the Scarlet woman.
